The Apologetic Angry Blog

15 Oct

My employer installed big screen televisions in all of the company break rooms. They have hidden the remotes to avoid “conflict”. Tall employees have figured out how to change the channel by using hard to see buttons secreted on the back of the TV. I can’t reach them, so I never bother to change the channel. That means when I walk into the break room, I just put up with whatever is on.

It doesn’t matter since I don’t loiter in the break room much longer than it takes to pour a cup of coffee–unless, of course, something catches my attention. For example, one day last week this woman on The Young and The Restless was explaining to some man why her husband had not done a bad thing by helping someone else move a dead body. Apparently in the past her husband had not been such a great guy, but that has all changed. “Lately he had been so husbandy,” she explained.

Husbandy? Now that caught my attention. Did she forget her line and have to ad lib, or did someone actually write that line for her? I suppose I’ll never know.

The next morning I walked into the break room to get coffee and Good Morning America was on. Personally, I find morning shows annoying, but Good Morning America is especially stupid. But, like a train wreck, when something stupid is happening, I can’t help but look.

Big mistake. This particular morning, GMA had as a co-host, Ann Romney. First they had her catch a football, then she was baking cakes (like her grandmother taught her) and feeding the entire crew. The fact that Mrs. Romney had to participate in a segment involving a discussion of “Dancing with the Stars“–including a panel interview with recent losers (why are they called Stars when I have never heard of a single one of them?) should have engendered some sympathy from me.

But it didn’t.

I just hate when the media tries to humanize Republicans.

This experience reminded me of something I knew, but have been trying to ignore about myself–I am highly partisan, I get very emotional about politics and I take it all way too personally.

I’ll give you an example. As soon as I saw Ann Romney on the big screen TV, I came this close to slamming the glass coffee pot against the kitchen counter and then using the jagged glass to slash my wrists.

It seemed like the only rational choice at the time.

Really, the only thing that stopped me was the fact that the pot was more than half full, so if I had wasted that coffee, the next person who came into the break room for coffee would have had to step over my hemorrhaging body. find an intact coffee carafe and brew a whole new pot.

That would have been very inconsiderate of me. I know how frustrating it is to have to wait for a new pot to brew. You hate just standing around waiting, but at the same time, if you leave and go back to your desk, by the time you return to the break room, someone else will have scarfed up all the coffee.

So, out of consideration for other coffee drinkers, I did not smash the pot and slit my wrists, despite my overwhelming impulse to do so.

When it comes to politics, I get very angry. Most people who know me know that I rarely express anger out loud. Oh, no. I shove it deep inside and bottle it right up. Been doing it for years–decades in fact.

Some say internalizing anger may not be the healthiest way of dealing with things (e.g. my impulse to slash my wrists at the sight of Ann Romney) but that’s just how I roll.  At least I don’t hurt anyone. At least not anyone else.

Since I decided against smashing the coffee pot and all we have in our break rooms are those flimsy plastic knives, slashing my wrists seemed to be off the table at that particular juncture. I do work in a high rise building, but the windows don’t open so I couldn’t jump. (I think they keep those windows sealed off for a reason.)

Instead, I binge ate PopTarts out of the vending machine, which was really quite a challenge. Each vending machine only holds like 10 sets of Pop Tarts, so I had to keep moving from floor to floor. It is a rather expensive way to consume PopTarts, since each envelope of 2 costs $1.00 in the vending machine. Considering I was able to save the coffee pot, I thought it was $50 well spent.

Why all this anger towards Republicans? It isn’t that I am crazy in love with the Democrats –they’ve done plenty of bone-headed things over the years, it’s just that I hate the Republicans so very much. Not Republican voters, per se, but Republican politicians and right wing pundits.

The fact that Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage and Michelle Malkin not only have jobs, but are getting paid handsomely for their hateful gibberish and bald faced mendacity, is reason enough to find conservative politics repellent. How can I cast a vote that would in any way validate the work of these people?

Obviously, as a gay person, I do not agree with the Republican party’s anti-gay positions. I don’t get Log Cabin Republicans. In my estimation, it’s like Anne Frank wearing a Hitler: Believe in Germany button while she goes diary shopping.

I understand that people don’t trust government. I get that. What I don’t understand is why those same people are willing to put unbridled trust in corporations. Corporations are out to make money for the corporation. There is nothing inherent in that concept that equals corporations exist to make America a better place. The Republican party exists first and foremost to bolster corporations, especially the Koch brothers. If you are voting Republican and don’t know who the Koch brothers are, you owe it to yourself to find out.

How can I vote for a party whose luminaries include people who want to eliminate the minimum wage and the federal requirement to pay overtime wages, repeal the Voting Rights Act, redefine rape, criminalize abortion, send all uninsured sick people to emergency rooms and eliminate all environmental protection laws? This is the party that stole the 2000 election and then provided cover for Bush and Cheney’s trumped up illegal war in Iraq.

Then there’s the Tea Party, financed via the Koch Brothers and disguised as a grass roots organization. Did you know the Texas Tea Party has as plank in their platform calling for the death penalty for homosexuality?  If the Tea Party continues to flourish, you can expect this to turn up in the National GOP platform, mark my words. A President Romney appoints 2 more Scalia-clones to the Supreme Court and that will be all she wrote.

I know a little something about The Tea Party–I have relatives who are proud members

Both my relatives are patriots and  God-fearing Christians who are also terribly proud of their guns and their concealed weapons permits.

Is it just me, or is the value of  having a concealed weapons permit diminished if  you tell everyone that you come in contact with that you are, indeed, carrying a concealed weapon? Cause that’s what my relative and her husband do.

“How do you do? I am carrying a concealed weapon. Don’t worry–I have a permit!”

I remember one time they carried concealed weapons into a church to attend a wedding. Then they told me about it. Then they showed me the guns.  In a church. At a wedding.

Anyway, this relative and I have had a rocky history. We were real close growing up. I was even in their wedding when the two of them married.

As we’ve traveled life’s winding road, we have wafted in and out of touch. One day I realized the only time we were ever in touch was when I initiated the contact.  And when we spoke on the phone, my relative never asked me one thing about myself or my partner or my life–she told me about her guns and things she had bought and, even though she knew we did not agree, she always brought up politics.

So I just quit calling. To make a long story short: she recently befriended me on Facebook (which I took as a good sign, a kind of “reaching out” to me) via her husband’s profile and then used the profile to tell me that she loved the sinner, hated the sin and likened being gay to being a drug addict. If I would just give up the dick like she had given up cocaine and alcohol, I’d be in like Flynn with the Lord.

I never asked her the question I really wanted to ask her, which was: “Are you a heterosexual even when you’re not having sex?” I’d wager she is. Well, I am gay, even when I’m not having sex too.  It is a part of my heart and (if I have one) soul. It is just part of who I am.

Anyway, I was soon dumped from Facebook–I think they closed that profile and went private or abandoned Facebook altogether. Meanwhile, her husband actually blocked me on Twitter. Not that that stopped me.  I just made a new profile and took in his tweets like an online ninja.

I felt compelled to follow his insights and patriotic announcements. They had been telling me how off base I was about everything, maybe I could learn a thing or two. I was greeted by such pearls as:

I resent the term worker and even the conservitative media use it I am a Americain that works for a living i am a individual not a minion 

I left his original spelling in tact, as I feel it adds to the poetry of his message.

Well, he may not be a minion but what he is, ironically enough, is a long time Federal Employee. With a pension and a health plan. Which made this next tweet all the more ironic:

I have decreased my standard of living due to inflation and frozen wages

He is a government employee who has joined the Tea Party because he is mad the government has not given him a raise lately.  What is wrong with that picture?

And then he expressed this concern: Did not the gov shove abortion homosexual sick behavior and teaching our young abstinence is not normal Only thing being suppressed is God

I must have been out the day the government shoved homosexual sick behavior, because I had to learn that the old fashioned way–in the street.

But the tweet that I love the most is this recent one:  This voting with no Id required is BS if you don’t Care enough to vote to get ID then screw off voting is not a right it’s a privilege

I was shocked. Who knew he could spell “privilege” correctly?

More to the point–this person believes that Americans have a right to bear arms but not a right to vote.  Anyone can have a gun, but voting is a privilege.

My relatives have made it quite clear to me that they are far more in touch with God and the Constitution than my Communist, perverted ass will ever be. So what do I know? I’ll assume I am the stupid one here. But it still makes me angry.

And what do we do with anger?  That’s right–we stuff it deep inside. Bottle it up!

Keep on smiling.

Stay away from glass coffee pots…

And pass the Poptarts! Lots of Poptarts!


2 Responses to “The Apologetic Angry Blog”

  1. Bryan Mingle October 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

    May the god of your understanding bless you many times over Billy! You are so worth the pop tarts and an uncracked coffee pot. Knowing you and being your friend is a privilege!

  2. Tom Talley October 15, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    I laughed my way through an uncomfortably similar situation, relatively speaking. If we aren’t brothers, we sure share some family…

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