Thursday: Things I am thinking about

24 May

There is a world wide helium shortage. Apparently helium is used in MRIs and other industrial and medical things. Now that it is becoming scarce, there’s a lot of talk about all that helium squandering we’ve all been doing with the Mylar balloons and sucking it down just to make our voices sound funny for a few minutes.

I tired to do some research on this topic, but no matter what I read, there was a lot of science involved, so I got confused easily. Helium is a noble gas. I found that somewhere on the Google and I don’t really know what it means. Helium appears on the Periodic Table as He. What I don’t get is, they know the formula for helium and have for some time. If we have the recipe, why is there a shortage? Can’t they just cook up some more?

If we run out of helium, what will we use to make balloons boyant? I guess they could use hydrogen. That’s what they had to do back in the day when there was a helium shortage and airships, like The Hindenburg needed something to get them to stay aloft. On second thought, I heard that didn’t turn out so well. I can only imagine children’s parties turning into conflagrations just because someone subbed hydrogen instead of precious, precious helium.

Oh, the humanity.

Unrelated to helium, but just one more thing on my mind, is a recent study that indicates that men who ride bicycles tend to have elevated levels of plasma estradiol–a form of estrogen.

Oh, good. One more thing to worry about. So, I dug a little deeper. What does this mean? Someone with this situation going on could develop a condition called gynecomastia, which may result in the loss of pubic hair and enlarged breast tissue.

Huh.

There are some men who “manscape”–trim or shave their pubic hair. No one really needs to know this, but I don’t do that. Why should I? The percentage of the population that ever even glimpses my pubic hair is so infinitesimal, I can’t imagine feeling concerned about how presentable that region might be. Maybe I am looking at this all wrong, but that’s how I feel. So the idea of my pubic hair falling out is not going to keep me awake nights. On the off chance someone should glimpse my bald pubic region, they’ll just assume I “manscape.”

The enlarged breast tissue is a bit of a concern. I have enough body image concerns–I do not need to develop moobs. I already have one of the most dreaded maladies of middle age–ear hairs–why must I face yet another in what is turning out to be a long list of indignities?

I’ll have to keep a vigilant eye on my breastal region. No moobs, please!

There are other things on my mind, but they will have to wait for another blog. I have to get on my bike and get to work, despite the risks to my virility and body image.

Don’t go squandering any helium today, if you can help it.

Happy Thursday.

2 Responses to “Thursday: Things I am thinking about”

  1. Mary Atwood May 24, 2012 at 8:54 am #

    This has me wondering what happens to women if they engage in “intense” cycling? Do they grow chest hair and suddenly become hesitant to ask for directions when driving in areas unknown to them? Do they develop an urgent need to change channels every 5 seconds when watching television? Do they forget where the laundry hamper is located or how to put a glass inside the dishwasher? Hmmmm.

  2. Pamela N Red May 25, 2012 at 11:09 am #

    So do women develop larger breasts and loss of pubic hair. I gotta get me a bike!

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