Adventures in Stalking

12 Apr

It is a crisp, clear Thursday out there this morning. Not a hint of smoke. I am sure a shift in the wind could change all that, but I’m going to go with the fresh air while I can get it.

Thanks to the ever present television in the break room at work, I am now privy to information that might otherwise have escaped my attention. Thus, this week I learned about a woman named Genevieve Sabourin, who has been arrested for stalking Alec Baldwin.

Mr. Baldwin admits to having had dinner with this woman in 2010. He says the relationship was “strictly professional.”

This lady’s lawyer claims the two of them had a 2 year mutual relationship, “with texts, e-mails, going in both directions.

No one has admitted that they had a sexual relationship.

When Alec Baldwin announced he was engaged, Gevevieve Sabourin announced to her family in Canada that she was going to New York to “jump start” her acting career.

She sent Alec Baldwin emails telling him she needed money, she loved him, she wanted to marry him and have his baby.

She followed Alec Baldwin around New York, to the Hamptons, to Lincoln Center, and back to his apartment. She was arrested outside of his apartment and has now been told by a judge to stay away from Alec Baldwin.

Can I tell you something? I kind of admire stalkers. If perseverance is a virtue, these people have it in spades. I can’t imagine leaving my house, much less the country to follow someone around, waiting for him to realize how much he truly loves me.

Maybe if I met the right stalkee, I’d change my tune, but I don’t think I have the focus to see a good stalking situation through.

At least not anymore…

I did stalk somebody once, back in the day. It was before the internet, so it took some real old fashioned detective work. Not like today where everyone is Tweeting their whereabouts every 15 minutes. These days someone takes a cell phone picture and posts it on the internet and the GPS in the phone provides location information  right there in the photo properties, if only you know where to look.

Back when I got the stalking bug, I had to apply everything I learned from several pre-adolecent years of studying Hardy Boy books to track my prey future husband my potential new friend.

Thank God for Frank and Joe Hardy, that’s all I have to say.

I saw this individual perform at a cabaret show at a bar. I was smitten. Next thing I knew, I saw him in a play. OMG. I told my significant other, “I will be leaving you for him.” “When?” he asked, strangely unmoved. “As soon as he knows I am alive!” My significant other smiled his best “good luck with that” smile.

I used directory assistance to find out his address. I called and said I was trying to find the phone number for this person. “I have his address as 2535 Mockingbird Lane,” I told the operator–they had live operators back then. I think it is all done by robots now–“but I think he moved.” The helpful operator said, “I have a listing for that name at (Reveals actual street address)” “Oh, yes,” I replied–“That sounds like the one!” And she gave me his phone number. I used to occasionally call and listen to his answering machine message, but I never had the actual nerve to speak to him.

One of the factors that made my experience as a stalker so easy was that my beloved victim friend-to-be lived little more than a block away from me. I had many a drive-by and cycle-by without arousing any suspicion. Since he was active in theater circles in the city where I lived, he turned up in the newspaper or local magazines from time to time. Once he was photographed at an event with another man. A really attractive man. In addition to The Hardy Boys, I had done a fair amount of study of Spider-Man comics during my formative years, so my Spidey-senses kicked into full gear. Could it be? Was it possible? Did he have a boyfriend?

In point of fact, I did not have to extend an excessive amount of energy following this person all over the place, We tended to trod the same beaten path. As luck would have it, I had recently lost my job (for reasons totally unrelated to stalking–the company closed their local office) so I had some time on my hands. My friend’s son was taking a summer class at a local museum and who should be leading this children’s event but the object of my affection. So, every morning, on her way to take her son to class, she would pick me up and we would deliver her son together. I got to see him every day! I really didn’t see it as stalking so much, as a hobby. My friend was not enabling my craziness, she was supporting my hobby. See? Big difference.

Eventually I figured out that he did indeed have a boyfriend and it was indeed the young man in the picture in the magazine. I was certain it was merely a superficial, transient affair. It did not automatically rule me out of the picture. I mean, he hadn’t met me yet! When he did, watch out!

Throughout the next couple of years, we crossed paths either because we lived in the same neighborhood or because the Universe was sending me a clear message that this was The One. I wasn’t sure which, so I just went with the thrill of the stalk. Except, really, I wasn’t stalking so much as going with the synchronicity.

My adventures in stalking came to a powerful head when I learned the object of my desire was teaching an acting class for adults. I signed up immediately. About 6 people showed up for the class the first night. Essentially we were to select a monologue which we would be working on the entire class. I picked a monologue from Jules Feiffer’s “Little Murders”.

As the weeks went on, attendance at the class dwindled. It was finally just me and one other student, a black guy who worshiped Lenny Bruce. We did the same monologues over and over. The teacher, was nice enough, but took no special interest in me (was he blind to my love?). The teacher also proved to be erratic and often manic. I began to think he might have a drug problem.

By the time the class was over, I had pretty much lost interest in this person as a romantic object and had scratched this guy off of my Next Husband list. Nothing like actually getting to know someone to make you realize how you truly feel about them.

I told my significant other he was safe for the time being. He seemed neither relieved nor concerned.

While I was so interested in this young man, I used to visualize that we were friends.

Visualization is a pretty powerful tool, in my experience. I actually had a specific visualization in which my love interest and I were together at a party (which we were throwing in our house for all of our fascinating friends) and he was playing the piano and singing, just like the first time I saw him perform.  (I had some other “visualizations” concerning this person, but this isn’t that kind of blog, so I’ll just keep those to myself.)

Several years later, I became acquainted with my former stalkee’s boyfriend. Yes, the guy in the picture. They were very much still together. I didn’t mention anything about my interest in his partner, of course. Saying something like “I used to stalk your boyfriend and image how to get you out of the picture” is clearly a faux pas in the first degree. I knew that without being told. I have some modicum of class, after all.

To my surprise, through another friend, I was invited to the boyfriend of my ex-stalkee’s 40th birthday party.  I no longer had any delusions about a potential relationship with my former obsession. In fact, I had come to like his boyfriend better than I liked him–strictly from a friendship perspective.  But I wanted to go to that party. And I did.

I had a good time. The two of them were clearly meant for each other and the notion that I could, should or would have ever come between them seemed ridiculous.  Two things of significance occurred at the party–one, my visualization came to pass. I was at a party and he played the piano and sang.  One of the keys of effective visualization, if you actually want it to manifest, is to get in touch with the feeling of what you are picturing while you are visualizing. The moment at the party when he started playing and singing felt exactly as I had visualized it.

The other event happened at the end of the evening as I was leaving.

There had been some drinking at this party, I won’t deny that. The birthday boy was totally smashed and, as smashed people often are, he was very affectionate when saying goodbye. Big hugs and declarations of love to one and all.

Finally, it was time to tell my ex-future husband to be, stalkee, object of my desire goodbye. He hugged me. Then he kissed me, ever so briefly, but he kissed me right on the lips. And he said I’d have to come over again real soon.

I’ve never seen them since, but that’s OK. I know where they live. I could find them if I wanted to.

That was years ago. I can’t believe I just blurted all of that out. It is a lot of work to blurt when you’re typing. That was a lot of work for just one kiss. But the kiss was really a punchline to a silly story about my half-assed efforts at obsession and stalking.

Sometimes a good punchline is as powerful as a kiss.

Don’t judge me. I don’t have the attention span or energy to stalk anymore. That was my one adventure in stalking. I’ve developed other hobbies since then.  Like blogging.

Thanks for being my enabler so supportive.

Happy Thursday!

4 Responses to “Adventures in Stalking”

  1. Pamela N Red April 12, 2012 at 9:55 am #

    lol I sort of stalked a guy when I was in junior high, he turned out to be a jerk so I lost interest and decided after that not to lose myself over a guy again. Like you say, getting to know them in person is sometimes enough to burst that bubble.

    • catzenspace April 19, 2012 at 9:11 am #

      I know! Why can’t people just live up to our illusions?

  2. Mary Atwood April 17, 2012 at 9:25 am #

    It has always been my pleasure to be your enabler! And my, that does seem like so long ago!!!!

    • catzenspace April 19, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      It was a very long time ago! How the time doth fly…

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