Of Cynicism and Slurpees

22 Mar

Good morning.

My home town is all a-quiver this week .

First there was the whole something, something Tim Tebow, something or other. This morning the local headline does not say that Tim Tebow has been traded to the Jets. It says “Jags Miss Out on Tim Tebow.”

This is how we think around here.  Most people hate the Jaguars. But they love Tim Tebow so much!

I love headlines about what didn’t happen. “Asteroid Does Not Hit Earth” comes to mind. Of course the local headline would read, “Tim Tebow and Others Spared Asteroid Hit.”

But that wasn’t the big news. The big news was so big the Governor of Florida came to town to share in the headiness of the moment. Big news for Jacksonville–BIG NEWS!

7-11 is coming back! There used to be 90 stores in town. They all closed up. Now they are coming back! “I am excited Florida is getting back to work!” Governor Rick Scott exclaimed.

Then everybody at the event drank Slurpees.  Truly, they did.

I loved 7-11 stores when I was a kid. I mean, there were the Slurpees for one thing. Plus, Jolly Ranchers and Zero candy bars. But it wasn’t just a sugar fix for me–7-11 was also a place of fine literature–comic books and paperback novels.

Back in the day, there was nothing more exciting than riding your bike to the 7-11, stocking up on Jolly Ranchers, candy bars and comic books. Then riding home to groove on the sugar buzz and the multi-color adventures of Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane or Swamp Thing.

I had very refined taste in comic books.

Now they’re coming back! And with them will come 800 jobs!

Of course, 7-11s are franchises, so they have to find people who have the money to invest in opening the stores but that should be a piece of cake, right?

I know all of those families who sacrificed and saved all those years to send their kids to college are so pleased there are finally some real job opportunities for their recent, and not so recent, university graduates. “I told you that BA in Serbian Literature would pay for itself one day!”

Do I sound cynical? Gosh, I hope not. The Governor is very proud of all he has done to “put Florida back to work” and who am I to try to rain on his parade?

There have been a lot of cutbacks in the public schools, so thank goodness 7-11 has come along to help us re-purpose all of those unemployed school teachers.

Why waste your life in a dead-end job teaching crap like Music and Art when you can pursue a career as a convenience store service provider? Plus all those years of providing guidance to young people will no doubt be of use in your new career behind the counter at 7-11: “You kids need to buy something or get your asses out of the store!”

It should be noted that this turn of events–the return of 7-11, has nothing to do with anything Tallahassee did to “create jobs,” despite what Governor Scott said. As near as I can tell, all Tallahassee has done so far is eliminate jobs.

The real reason 7-11 is back, is because years ago they made a pact with the Gate stores. They closed up and were contractually obligated to stay away for some per-determined period of time.  That time is up and, so 7-11 is coming back.

It should be noted that Gate is owned by the family of our previous mayor. That mayor was not invited to the big return of 7-11 party.

Oh dear–I do sound a tad cynical, don’t I?

Maybe I am just bitter because I gave up Jolly Ranchers and comic books long ago.

By the way, I am in no way denigrating convenience store workers. I have known and loved more than one in my life. I guess I am just a little disheartened that 7-11 is being touted as the pentacle of job creation in  my home town.  Still, for many, it will be a blessing. I’ve been unemployed and I know what a relief it is to have an opportunity. So, that’s a good thing.

I just know I couldn’t make ends meet on a convenience store worker’s salary and I don’t exactly live a lavish lifestyle.

I get that jobs are good for the economy. But when you have a job that doesn’t pay much, you really don’t have money to spend. We need people to have spending money to keep other businesses in business. Right? Or do I just not understand these things? After all, I was an English major, so I don’t really know anything about numbers and stuff like that.

I am probably thinking too much. The coffee done kicked in and my brain is just throwing stuff out there. Stop that, brain, you bitter old fool!

I need to stop typing and get to my own job which I am glad I have, so I don’t have to work at 7-11. But an occasional Slurpee would be nice…

Happy Thursday!



2 Responses to “Of Cynicism and Slurpees”

  1. Mary Atwood March 22, 2012 at 8:18 am #

    Missing out on Tim Tebow and getting back 7-11. Is that a win/win or what!

  2. Pamela N Red March 22, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    We have 7-Eleven and they have the cheapest gas so perhaps you’ll have better gas prices. It could happen.

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