Being jejune and the phases of the moon

13 Mar

I just got back in from walking the dog. The waning moon was peeking from behind a cloud.

I said, “Hey moon, you’re looking kind of lopsided!” The moon replied, “It’s just a phase.”

The pets only got dry food this morning and they’re all kind of milling around, glancing my way when I walk by, occasionally crunching on a nugget or two, but still holding out for the something better they hope will be coming soon.

If that isn’t a metaphor for life, I don’t know what is. The lesson for us all is, if you don’t like the crumbs life throws your way, you’d best learn how to open a can so you can feed yourself. Just be careful, because the edges of the can are sharper than they look. If you cut yourself it hurts like a mofo. Then you bleed.

Quick, someone embroider that on a sampler before some greeting card company steals it.
To help them in their development, I place sealed cans in front of the cats and say, “Go for it!” Again, they give me that look. I’m not trying to be mean, I just want them to fully appreciate the important roll I play in their furry lives. What do I get in return? They grumble under their breath that they will be sending “a full report” to the Kitty Council and I’ll be sorry.

The cats have been threatening me with this so-called Kitty Council for years. If you listen to my pets, by now the KC has quite the thick file on both me and my significant other. Unfortunately for my cats, we have come to the conclusion that the Kitty Council is either very weak, or it is one of those agencies that is so hopelessly bogged down in feline bureaucracy–paws to be washed, tails to be chased, balls of yard to be unfurled–that they never really get any business done.

In other words, I ain’t scared of no Kitty Council.

My dog tried the whole, “I am going to report you to the Doggy Council” business with us only once. We called her bluff. I don’t think there is a Doggy Counsel. I think she’s just mad because the cats have a species specific agency to fall back on and she does not. Or if there is a Doggy Council, she doesn’t have their number, because she dropped that foolishness early on in our relationship.

You have to let pets know who’s boss. That’s all I’m saying.

Is it my imagination or does waking up get harder and harder each day?

Is this what death is–little by little you find it more difficult to wake up and then one day you just go, ‘meh–why bother?” and then you don’t?

I’m not saying I want to die, but I could sure use the rest.

And, you know, they never let me nap at work. I have my own office and I still have to stay awake the entire work day. If I close the door too long, someone is bound to come along and knock. Or call–that phone never seems to stop ringing. And the emails. Don’t get me started on the emails. I could really use some nap time, but they frown on people sleeping at work. Something about “productivity” and “what if everybody did it?”. Employers always have a snappy come back, don’t they?

Since I ride a bike to work, I really should make an effort to wake up. As we all know, anyone can drive just fine when he or she is half asleep, but cycling requires your full attention.

My stream of consciousness seems especially jejune this morning.  Not sure what that word means–it just popped up and asked to be inserted in a sentence, so I obliged.

Happy Tuesday.

2 Responses to “Being jejune and the phases of the moon”

  1. Mary Atwood March 13, 2012 at 6:43 am #

    Please don’t tell Dusty about the Kitty Counsel!

  2. Jason Lawrence March 13, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    The Kitty Counsel is evil…watch out #hiss

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