Rapture

4 May

I’ve been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it’s later than it seems

-Jackson Browne (Doctor My Eyes)

When I used to write blogs on the Myspace, I once made a joking reference to the Rapture and got myself into a bit of hot water with one of my online friends who, in turn, removed me from her friend’s list. I didn’t really mean to offend anyone, but when you make jokes about the Rapture, I suppose it is bound to happen.

According to the folks at ebible.com, this year is the 7000th year since the Great Flood and Noah and the Ark. They’ve done some math and have gotten God’s whole time line completely figured out. These folks have gotten some publicity concerning their recent pronouncements and when people repeat it in water cooler conversations and what not, people keep saying the world is going to end on May 21. But that isn’t what the ebible.com people are saying.

Get your facts straight, OK?  This is the end of the world we’re talking about, people. Don’t screw up the details.

The world is going to end on October 21, 2011. It is the Rapture (when “true believers elected by God will be raptured (“taken up”) out of this world…”) that is going to happen on May 21, 2011.

This is good news for me because I have tickets to see Jackson Browne on May 24th and I was going to be peeved if that concert got cancelled on account of the end of the world. Not to be judgmental, but given that Jackson Browne is a rock and roll star, I am thinking he isn’t making the rapture list, so I am pretty sure the show will go on.  Many well meaning people have already told me I am not making the rapture list either, so I am pretty sure I’ll still be on the earth on May 22nd as well. So, yay–Jackson Browne!

Uh oh. Look at me. I ‘ve gone and written a blog about the Rapture again. In my defense, let me say, I am not making fun of religion so much as I am making fun of the specificity of this particular announcement. Specificity tickles the hell out of me for some reason. “Oh look, the Rapture falls on a Saturday.” Plan accordingly.

If it happens, it is going to be so strange to live in a world without Kirk Cameron, but we’ll have to muddle through. No more Pat Robertson. I guess I can adjust.

October is going to suck though. End of the world. That won’t be pretty.

The people who make fun of the ebible people are going to feel foolish if this turns out to be true. Of course, the ebible people will have some explaining to do if it doesn’t. Specificity can get you into real trouble.

Happy Wednesday.

8 Responses to “Rapture”

  1. Pam May 4, 2011 at 6:44 am #

    Man, if that happens, those 2012 people are gonna feel foolish. ❤

    • catzenspace May 4, 2011 at 7:49 am #

      Seriously! Off by a whole year. That’s just embarrassing…

  2. That Weather Girl May 4, 2011 at 6:53 am #

    Somehow I was unaware of the details of this whole end of the world/rapture thing people are buzzing about. Thanks for filling me in.

    As for me, I plan to see Jackson Browne on the 24th – and I have to miss the rapture and/or the end of the world to do….well, so be it!

    • catzenspace May 4, 2011 at 7:48 am #

      At least you have your priorities in the right place.

  3. That Weather Girl May 4, 2011 at 8:02 am #

    “While the sand slipped through the opening
    And their hands reached for the golden ring
    With their hearts they turned to each other’s heart for refuge
    In the troubled years that came before the deluge”
    ~Jackson Browne

  4. Mike May 4, 2011 at 8:39 am #

    I really enjoyed this! Quite a humorous style but more than a grain of truth. I suspect “the end” certainly WILL come but I’ll leave the exact date a mystery. Suffice it to say I’ll know when it happens!

  5. Fred Lehman May 4, 2011 at 9:44 am #

    Interesting how these people can think they know the time line when according to the scriptures Jesus says that not even God knows that. It’s kind of a thing that when God decides that the time is right that’s when he act but not before. Some people are really pushing it and I don’t think they will be on the ‘Rapture List’ trying to push God to act before he ready. Just saying, you know. Not that I believe in the Rapture just the end of the world, and I’m certain that’s still a ways off.

  6. Pamela N Red May 4, 2011 at 10:20 am #

    I hadn’t heard of this one but then I hadn’t heard of edible.com.

    I’m going to Italy late summer so hopefully the world won’t end until October.

    These prediction folks make me laugh. They should spend their time curing cancer or some other horrible disease instead of trying to figure out when our time on earth will cease to exist.

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