Of hinges and DILFs

3 May

Glad to have Monday under my belt. Off my back. Out of the way. Yesterday’s news. It was hard returning to work–harder than usual. Having worked 2 whole days the week before and all—then having 2 more days off. That was a real challenge. Of course, you don’t want your employer to notice that they got along pretty well without you most of the week. They might get ideas. So, this week I think I’ll work 5 days in a row. That’ll show ’em.

Over the weekend, my significant other surprised me with a trip to Lowes. Woo hoo.

I lied,  this was no surprise.

He does this thing where he’ll say, “let’s go for a drive!” And I’ll ask where we’re going and then he’ll say, “I don’t know!” Like we are devil may care adventurers on an uncharted course.

And then we wind up at Lowes.

Or somewhere equally exciting. Like Home Depot. Or, there was that time a couple of weeks ago when we wound up at this  place that sells rocks.  I was reminded of that Charlie Brown Halloween Special. “I got a rock.” Except this place was vast and they had lots of rocks. They have like 100 acres of land with containers of rocks all over. And my significant  other had to touch every one of them, I swear.

He really knows how to show a fella a good time.

So, back at Lowes. My heart was pounding from the sheer excitement of it. “Where are the hinges?” my long time companion asked one of the helpful Lowes employees. “Oh! You didn’t tell me we were going hinge shopping! If I’d known I would have dressed better!” So then we winded out way to the hinge aisle. And my significant other had to touch every one of them, I swear.

I had to sort of wander off a bit, lest he try to explain to me how each and every hinge works, even though he knows I care nothing about the finer points of hinges.No hinge talk for me, please!

There are some things I like about Lowes. Most of all, I like the fact that Lowes has a big DILF factor. By DILF, I do not mean Diplôme Initial de Langue Française, though that is one of the things you get when you Google DILF. A DILF is the male equivalent of a MILF, if that’s any help to you. While my significant other was getting his hinge on,  I stood at a safe distance (so he wouldn’t attempt to engage me in hinge lore) and watched the DILFs go by…Lowes is real good for that.

DILF watching is a pleasant enough diversion, but my significant other had bigger plans for the two of us. Having finally settled on the hinge (or hinges) of his dream, he was now ready to (be still my beating heart!) look at concrete blocks. I don’t even know why he wanted to buy concrete blocks. I am sure he’d have told me if I asked, but then we might still be standing in Lowes if I had, and that wouldn’t do. All I know is, apparently all concrete blocks are not created equally because if my boyfriend is any indication, you have to touch a lot of concrete blocks before you can settle on the four you want to take home with you.

Of course those 4 blocks are still sitting in the back of the van, so whatever he needs them for, we clearly were not having some sort of concrete block emergency at my house at the time of purchase.

We go to Staples a lot too. The DILF factor is not as intense at Staples, but I get a rush from office supplies, so that sort of offsets things.

I suppose we are in a bit of a rut. Perhaps we should consider other avenues of pleasure. I would suggest to the boyfriend that we ratchet things up a bit, but you know he’d insist on going to Lowes to find that ratchet. And he’d touch every one of them.

Golly, can’t wait for the weekend. Until then, Happy Tuesday.

2 Responses to “Of hinges and DILFs”

  1. That Weather Girl May 3, 2011 at 6:34 am #

    I can relate to this. Back home (in Hixson) all “let’s go for a ride” adventures end at WalMart.

  2. Fred Lehman May 3, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Woodcrafters. Since I don’t have a significant other it’s my dad, and with him it’s Home Depot, the Hardware Store, Lowes, and Woodcrafters. They’re all do it yourselfers. I like them all and Staples as well. I’ll go shopping just about anywhere.

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